Apparently, the Universe Put Me in Time-Out

I had plans last week.

Quite a few of them, actually.

I had content I wanted to create. I had things I needed to get done. I wanted to go live and spend time with all of you. There were all the ordinary little pieces of life and work waiting for me.

The Universe apparently looked at my plans and said:

“That's adorable. Go to bed.”

And I did.

Because I got sick.

Not the cute kind of sick where you wrap yourself in a blanket, drink a cup of tea, watch a movie, and feel dramatically sorry for yourself for an afternoon.

I mean SICK.

The coughing was horrendous. I couldn't go live. I couldn't accomplish much of anything. I called my doctor's office, but unfortunately this happened over Labor Day weekend. It took four days for them to get back to me.

Then it took another full day to get my prescription called in.

And then...

the prescription wasn't helping.

Eventually, I went back to the doctor, got a steroid shot and another prescription, and finally started getting some relief.

But by then I had spent the better part of a week doing something I am not particularly good at:

Nothing.

Well, that's not entirely true.

I coughed.

I was excellent at coughing.

But otherwise, I wasn't doing much of anything.

And somewhere in the middle of all of that, I started thinking about something I suspect a lot of us struggle with.

Why Do We Feel Guilty When We Stop?

There I was, clearly sick, and part of my brain was still keeping track of everything I wasn't doing.

I should be going live.

I should be working.

I should be creating content.

I should be answering things.

I should be getting something accomplished.

Have you ever noticed how cruel the word “should” can become?

My body was doing exactly what it needed to do. It was fighting something. It needed rest. It needed medicine. It needed time.

And my brain was over there with a clipboard taking attendance.

Where does that come from?

Somewhere along the way, a lot of us learned to associate productivity with worth.

If we're accomplishing things, we're doing well.

If we're helping people, we're useful.

If we're checking things off the list, we're having a good day.

And if we're doing absolutely nothing?

Well, then surely we're wasting time.

Except...

what if doing nothing is exactly what you're supposed to be doing?

Tarot Has a Card for This

Of course it does.

Tarot has cards that tell us to move.

The Chariot says take the reins. Choose your direction. Move forward.

The Eight of Wands practically flies out of the deck yelling, “Let's GO!”

We've got plenty of cards for action.

But we also have the Four of Swords.

And the Four of Swords doesn't care about your damn to-do list.

Its message is rest.

Retreat.

Recovery.

Be still.

Give your mind and body a chance to recover before you charge back into battle.

I've taught tarot for more than twenty years, and I've been reading it for around fifty. I've talked about the Four of Swords more times than I could possibly count.

But isn't it funny how sometimes you understand a card intellectually...

and then life makes you live it?

Last week, I was living the Four of Swords.

And I didn't particularly like it.

Rest Is Not a Reward

I think this is where we get ourselves into trouble.

We treat rest like something we have to earn.

I'll rest when I finish this.

I'll take the afternoon off after I get that done.

I'll go to bed after I answer one more message.

I'll take care of myself when everybody else has what they need.

But here's the problem:

Everything is never finished.

There will always be another email.

Another load of laundry.

Another piece of content.

Another person who needs something.

Another task.

Another problem.

Another damn thing.

If rest is something you only allow yourself after everything is finished, you may never give yourself permission to rest at all.

Sometimes rest isn't the reward you receive after you've done the work.

Sometimes rest IS the work.

That was my job last week.

Not TikTok.

Not tarot.

Not business.

Not content.

My job was to get better.

Maybe You Aren't Failing

And this isn't really a blog about being sick.

Because there are a thousand different things that can knock us out of the lives we planned.

Maybe you're grieving.

Maybe you're exhausted.

Maybe someone you love needs you.

Maybe you're overwhelmed.

Maybe your heart has been broken.

Maybe you're dealing with something nobody else even knows about.

Maybe you're simply tired.

And you're looking around at everything you're not accomplishing and thinking:

“What is wrong with me?”

Maybe nothing is wrong with you.

Maybe you're a human being having a hard time.

Those are different things.

We spend so much time talking about motivation.

Push yourself.

Keep going.

Don't give up.

Get back on the horse.

And sometimes that's exactly what we need to hear.

But sometimes?

You need to get off the damn horse.

Sit down.

Drink some water.

Take a nap.

Cry if you need to.

Cancel something.

Ask for help.

Let somebody else handle it.

The horse will still be there tomorrow.

Your Worth Is Not Your Productivity

This may be the hardest part.

You are still valuable when you aren't producing anything.

You are still worthy of love when you aren't helping anybody.

You still matter when the laundry isn't folded, the email isn't answered, the project isn't finished, and the list has absolutely nothing crossed off.

You don't have to justify your existence by constantly being useful.

I know that sounds obvious when I say it about you.

Of course you deserve rest.

Of course you should take care of yourself.

Of course being sick doesn't make you lazy.

But isn't it interesting how much harder those things can be to say to ourselves?

I can give you permission to rest all day long.

Giving myself permission?

Apparently the Universe had to intervene.

The Four of Swords Always Ends

There's another part of this card that I think we sometimes forget.

The Four of Swords isn't forever.

It's a pause.

It's the space between what came before and what comes next.

You rest because eventually...

you get back up.

And I am getting back up.

I'm feeling better.

I'm writing again.

I'll be returning to the things I love.

And I'm looking forward to getting back into my lives and seeing everybody again.

But perhaps I'll return with a little more respect for the pause.

Because stopping for a while didn't destroy everything I'd built.

The world kept turning.

My community didn't disappear.

My work didn't vanish.

The things waiting for me...

waited.

Imagine that.

Maybe This Is Your Permission Slip

So if you've been pushing yourself lately, I want you to check in with yourself.

Not with your calendar.

Not with your boss.

Not with your family.

Not with that ridiculous list sitting on the kitchen counter.

With yourself.

What do you actually need?

Maybe you need motivation.

Maybe today really is the day to grab the reins and channel the Chariot.

But maybe you're holding the Four of Swords.

Maybe your body, your mind, or your spirit has been whispering “stop” for a while now, and you've been trying very hard not to hear it.

You don't have to wait until the whisper becomes a scream.

You don't have to collapse before you're allowed to rest.

And you certainly don't have to finish everything first.

Rest isn't laziness.

Recovery isn't failure.

Taking care of yourself isn't falling behind.

Sometimes the bravest, wisest, most productive thing you can possibly do is absolutely nothing.

Apparently, I needed a week of coughing, doctors, prescriptions, and one very opinionated Universe to remind me of that.

Hopefully, you can learn it the easier way.

And if your body is telling you to sit your ass down...

maybe listen before it has to yell.

Know that I love you.

I really, really do love you.

❤️ Granny D